1. Poker is mostly boring. In the wildly popular poker game Texas Hold 'em there are only 1326 hands to start. Of those there are only 169 that are distinctly different. In euchre, there are 42,504 hands and you have to play the cards you get. Anything can happen. In poker, you'll spend most of your time throwing your hands away and watching everyone else take your money.
2. Without money, poker is senseless. Playing high-stakes euchre is great fun and certainly adds excitement to the game. But money is not a crucial part of the game. It's a game of intellect. It's your brain against your opponent's. Poker is a financial transaction. You might as well be a stock broker. Playing poker without money is like voting for a Republican in Chicago. There's no point.
3. Euchre is a team effort. In a poker game, your success is celebrated by you. Winning creates a sense of desolate isolation. Your opponents despise you unless you lose. In euchre, victory is celebrated with a companion. It's a game of sharing, the joys, the pain, the fun. And besides, you get to blame someone else if you lose.
4. Euchre is intellect, poker is emotion. Euchre is won by the players with the most smarts. Poker is won by the guy who's luckiest. Last weekend I lost a poker hand to a guy who held a 5-2 off-suit against my A-Q suited. A 2 hit on the river. Go figure. Skill in poker is a myth.
5. You can't get arrested for playing euchre. You ever hear of a euchre game getting busted by the cops? It doesn't happen. That's why euchre is dominated by scientists, poets and philosophers. Poker is played by criminals.
6. The characters are more interesting in the euchre world. Not even close here. I'd put our Natty Bumpo against their Phil Hellmuth any day.
Play poker if you must. It's a fine enough game. But when you are ready to use your brain, start playing euchre. It's really the best game in town.
And if you want to do something really crazy learn how to color pubic hair
Update: Harvy Lapp and Natty Bumpo weigh in on their feelings about Euchre and Poker. This is what happens when the most famous cosmetic chemist writes about euchre.